Cinnamon Roll As Big As ‘Ya Head
Four Layer Carrot Cake
Cinnamon Brown Sugar Ted Tart
Strawberry Doughnut Holes
Now with four locations in the D.C. Metro, the space in the ever-evolving 14th Street Corridor a favorite amongst the group thanks to its central location and spacious layout, Ted’s Bulletin has become a sort of District institution over the years thanks to big portions and home-style cooking, the fact that the restaurant is owned by Matchbox Food Group never really apparent as everything about the concept feels authentic in the same way as many mom n’ pop Diners across the Nation.
Told as the story of a Depression-Era Cook whose sons chose to open a Restaurant in his name, the hometown aesthetic done-up with dark woods and a tightly packed counter looking down a line of cooks frying up Bacon and Eggs while waitstaff zigs and zags carrying stacked-trays aloft, it was largely on a whim that the decision was made to visit Ted’s minutes after finishing Brunch at Le Diplomate and although parties of two were quoted waits of “45-60 minutes” the lone seat in front of the Soda Machine was immediately available for would-be solo diners.
Featuring a big all-day Breakfast Menu with equally substantial Lunch and Dinner selections starting at 11:00am, the full-scale Bakery located adjacent a hostess podium that seemed to have new guests waiting every couple minutes, it was immediately upon seating that a young man tasked with everything from Drink preparation to bussing tables presented the menu in addition to a glass of water, an inquiry about the Cinnamon Roll offered in “limited numbers” confirming its availability and launching a five-part order with some for now and the rest for later.
Undeniably an ‘everything to everyone’ sort of place, the choices covering everything in the American Comfort Food playbook with very few exceptions, it was after perhaps ten minutes of sipping water and watching the men and women on the line work fervently that two preposterously large items were presented, the 4-Layer Carrot Cake easily standing ten inches tall with a 2:1 ratio of Spice Cake to tangy Frosting while the “Cinnamon Roll As Big As ‘Ya Head” lived up to its name even for an average sized adult with spiraled layers of Dough and a whole lot of aromatic filling ready to be topped with a gravy-boat of molten Icing.
Finishing all but the outside edge of the Roll and packing up 1/3 of the Walnut and Raisin-studded Cake along with the to-go items, a total bill of just under $40 including tax and tip a bit spendy for just Pastries but really not inappropriate given portion sizes, it was several hours later alongside Coffee that Ted’s Vanilla Cruller would prove to be one of the best of its kind thanks to a light and eggy center that bakes up stiff on the surface while both the famous “Ted Tart” and Doughnut Holes were merely alright, the former actually a bit *too* much like the Kellogg’s version while the filling of the latter tasted like nothing more than Smucker’s Strawberry Jelly.